Poem #96

The first time I fell asleep with my
head resting on your chest was the
day I found peace. That one moment
held so much meaning and it was a
bliss and the beginning of the end.
You left and peace became an
impossible quest. I get unnerved
when someone has your perfume on.
My hand still reaches out for you
in the morning but all I find is cold.

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Quote

From Pain addict

Sometimes I wake up at the dawn and
let the sunrise fill my head with hope but
the magic disappears from my reach and
I realize I can’t push it down, I can’t hide
what’s in me. I became such a pain addict.

Quote

From It’s like

I’ll just sit in this cloud of smoke like I do every
month until I find the strength to smile and say
that everything is just fine. I’ll poison my blood
in hopes that the nicotine will poison what’s living inside.
A cigarette between my lips will keep my mouth shut.

It’s like they’ll laugh at me, it’s like they’ll
tell me it’s all in my head, it’s like they’ll talk
behind my back all over again, it’s like they won’t
understand again, it’s like they’ll make me feel worse,
it’s like they just won’t hear the words I want to say.

Poem #67

All of this search for someone to fill
this empty space you left besides me made
me realize one thing clearly.
If I find someone like you, I will end up in
the same place looking for another strike
to mess with my heart and sheets.
I should start looking for someone to love me
insanely and passionately the way I loved you.

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Poem #60

I believe in writing pain out of myself
and I’ve been doing it for a while now
but I’ve reached a point where I can’t
find the words to express myself.

There is something just floating inside
of me, some feelings gathering together
creating an overwhelming force inside
my chest and I’m scared it will burst out.

Burst out of me like an avalanche,
covering my world to the last detail.
Erupt like a volcano destroying
everything I know but keeping the pain
and the verses under the surface for
someone to find and take away. Take this
burden off my chest.

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Poem #59

It’s been a long time since I’ve
been okay. My happiness probably ended
the day I’ve picked up the pen and started
seeing the world through what I am.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt
alright. I’ve started ending the silence with
screaming, I started filling my space with memories
in order not to drown in the loneliness within.

It’s been a long time since I slept peacefully
at night. To be honest, can’t remember it ever
happened in my life. I grabbed the fear and held it
safely in my hand but it got bigger and exploded right to my face.

It’s been a long time since I’ve made a fearless step.
The doubts are clouding my mind and I feel like
everything’s a mistake. Unfortunately I didn’t know in
advance that little scared girl who walk alone get lost in the end.

It’s been a long time since I’ve let myself have a breakdown.
Sometimes you just need to let the river flow from
your eyes to wash away the gray shades from your heart.
Sometimes you need to give up the fight so you could gather
an ounce of strength to put your demons to bed.

It’s been a long time since I’ve lived a life worth living.

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Quote

From Let me in

I don’t know if it’s better to leave or fix this mistake.
Should I say sorry or just get lost since my presence is
only making you feel worse. If I could I would erase any trail of his hands on me. I would scrape this skin of if it would mean you’ll forgive me.

Moment of weakness was all it took for
me to be knocking on your door, begging you
to let me in. Guess I deserve to be left outside alone.
I just want you to know that I regret everything.
Open up, please let me in.

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