The story behind the name Luna

I have promised to make a post about the story behind the name Luna and today is the day. To be quite honest I’ve never told anyone why I use this name because it’s a very personal story but I decided to show courage and share it with everyone.
My real name is Ana and I got it by my grandmother. Originally my mother wanted to call me Julia but my father wanted for me to be Ana because my older sister got her name by our other grandmother and he wanted the same for me. Luna is the name I’ve used for many years for writing purposes and I came up with it when I was a little kid. To explain the whole story I have to go back to 1992.
As I stated in my Liebster Award post I’m actually of Bosnian origins. My family lived there for their entire life and then the war happened and my father fought in the war in Bosnia. During that time he got PTSD and started to drink heavily. My parents came to Germany after the war and 7 years later we came to Croatia. Due to my father’s mental problems he started to drink even more and got more and more abusive. He would beat the life out of my mother, sister and me and the police was a regular guest at our house. He developed an identity disorder and things only went downhill. Every time he would get drunk my mother would send me to my grandmother’s because it was unsafe to leave me alone with him. Because of the stressful situation we lived in I was a very nervous child, didn’t have an appetite, I was underweight and always ill because my immune system wasn’t very good. My mother, sister and I spent our days locked up in one room of our house because he would always attack and threaten to kill us if we went to use the kitchen or other parts of the house. Thankfully the bathroom was just on the opposite side of the room we were in so we could sneak to go to the bathroom. I even remember a little bit of a Christmas morning when my mother had to pay off all of my father’s drinking debts so we had no money to buy anything, my father was drunk again and my mother got up in the morning to make pancakes for me and my sister to eat. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning eating cold pancakes, locked up in one room. No Christmas tree, no presents. I would actually spend a lot of time alone in that room, watching Spanish telenovelas and writing my own stuff like scenarios for my telenovela and poems about the actors. It was a way to kill time and that’s how I fell in love with writing.
Where I’m from the winters are very cold and back in the day we had central heating. My father turned it off one day saying we don’t deserve to get warm and I got extremely ill afterwards.
One day I just woke up without the ability to breath normally, my head was hurting and I had a high fever. After visiting my doctor we found out my problem was bordering with pneumonia but the doctor didn’t want to put me in the hospital because it was dangerous for me to be exposed to so many bacteria and viruses since my immune system practically didn’t exist. My mother couldn’t send me to my grandmothers and couldn’t take days off of work to take care of me because she would have been fired. My older sister had to go to school so I was on my own. My mother would get my sister ready for school and before leaving she would put a bucket with a lid next to me if I needed to throw up and she would lock me up in the room so my father wouldn’t get in and harm me. Since he was drunk and I wasn’t making any noises he didn’t even know I was there so I was safe. My health condition was very bad. I spent 10 days literally sleeping. I don’t remember much of that time but I do remember this. One night I ran out of air and suddenly woke up. My mother was next to me and my sister was in the other bed. The first thing I saw at that moment was the full moon through the blinds. In that moment I felt so calm, like nothing could hurt me. I can’t even explain it. Seeing the moon just gave me a strong bond to nature, helped me realize that not all is lost and made me believe that just like nature renews itself I will renew my health and get better. It was like a feeling that the sky was watching over me. It was all probably the product of my fever but that night created the name Luna. As I said I watched a lot of Spanish telenovelas so I decided to go with the name Luna when I started sending my work to magazines or publishing it online. Luna in Spanish, as many of you know, means the moon.
This was very hard for me to write because I don’t like to talk about my father but I thought it was time to open up more and be more honest on the blog because I would like to share my experiences with abuse with others and maybe help them if they are currently struggling with it. If you went through the same thing before or are going through it now and need someone to talk to feel free to DM me on my Instagram or send me an email on luna.theblog@gmail.com

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The Liebster Award

So I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award. Let’s get started!

I would like to thank Natalie Swift for the nomination. Check out her blog by clicking here!

11 facts about me:

  1. I live in Croatia, my origins are Bosnian but I was born in Germany
  2. Despite being 21 and living alone for 3 years already, I’ve never learned how to cook
  3. I don’t know how to ride a bike and yes I’m ashamed of that (it’s a long story)
  4. I started to read and write when I was 4 and I simultaneously started speaking English and Croatian when I was a kid. I was interested in languages ever since I was little and I speak 4 foreign languages – English, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese and my German is a bit rusty but I’m working on it
  5. I love watching cartoons like a little child during breakfast.
  6. I have a big sweet tooth and can’t live without chocolate and ice cream
  7. I never want to get married. It’s not that I don’t want to share my life one day with someone, it’s just that I don’t want to get into a marriage. Ever.
  8. I am absolutely terrified of watching horror movies. I haven’t seen a horror movie for years and I even close my eyes when a scary scene comes on in any movie.
  9. I’m very passionate about fighting against domestic violence because I was abused for more than 10 years. I would like to help children who went through the same thing because I know how hard it is to open up about it and seek help. Even to this day I struggle with nightmares caused by childhood traumas and it’s something I don’t share with a lot of people but oh,well…
  10. Even though I’m a pretty chatty person it’s hard for me to meet new people because when I do I get very shy and don’t talk much so people think I’m weird.
  11. Luna is like my artist name and I started using it when I was 8 years old. There’s a big story behind the name and it would take me ages to write it so if you want to hear it, let me know and I’ll make a separate post about it.

Natalie’s questions:

  1. If this was the last day of your life, what would you do?
    I would spend it with my mother because she is the most important person in my life

2. If you could have either money, power or love (only one) which would you choose? Why?
I would choose power because power would allow me to make a change in the world for the better so that people would start spreading love and it would help me acquire everything I need to survive.

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
I would like to fly because it’s my desire to travel the world.

4. What is the one thing you want to be remembered for after you leave this world?
I would like to fight for female rights and against domestic violence and be remembered for it. I would like to make a change in that area.

5. Would you rather be trapped by strict rules but safe, or free but in danger?Free but in danger, no doubt about it.

6. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever experienced?
This one is hard. Once during winter, I slipped on a crowded square of Zagreb, the capital of Croatia, and as I fell on my butt I screamed and my family had to help me get up because I hit the ground hard. I spent the ride home on my stomach in the back seat because I couldn’t sit due to the pain.

7. What is the one thing about yourself that no one knows?
I meditate and pray on a daily basis.

8. If you could change your name, what would it be?
It would be Ruby.

9. Would you rather be rich and have absolutely no friends or partners or poor and experience love and companionship?
I would rather be poor and experience love and companionship because having that is to be rich.

10. If you could travel back in time, what would you do differently?
I would’ve never started smoking. I still have that nasty habit.

11. If you could change one thing about yourself: physical or psychological, what would it be?
I would like to be taller.

I nominate:
Unicorn diary:
Vinnylanni:
Srijan:

Your questions are:

  1. If you could change on thing in the world, what would it be?
  2. Which city do you want to visit before you die?
  3. What’s the thing you regret not doing in life?
  4. Who is your favorite person in the world and why?
  5. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
  6. Dog person or a cat person?
  7. What is the thing that annoys you most in the world?
  8. What is a secret you never shared with anyone?
  9. Would you eat only your favorite food every day for the rest of your life or never try it again and eat everything else? Also, share your favorite food 😉
  10. If you could have dinner with any person, dead or alive, who would it be?
  11. What is the craziest thing you’ve done in your life?

The rules of the Award:

  • Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you
  • Share 11 facts about yourself
  • Answer the 11 questions the blogger(s) asked you
  • Nominate 3 bloggers for the award
  • Create 11 new questions for the nominees to answer
  • Let them know they’ve been nominated

Just checking in

Hello world! I decided to just check in today. I had such a great Saturday because I worked. No I’m not weird, I was just looking for a job for a very long time and I’m so excited about the bar I’ll be waitressing in. Also, today I just want to talk about going for things.

I’ve sent a message to the FB page of this bar months ago and they just responded this week because they haven’t seen the message before. They called me in to have a chat and the next thing I know this morning I was working a 7-hour shift. This just proves that you need to go for something. I was looking for jobs to fall into my lap, applying to jobs dozens of students with more experience applied and I sent this one message to a bar that wasn’t looking for a waitress and it came at the perfect time because I was really getting desperate. My  point it, no matter how scared you are of doing things such like this, just do it. You’ve got nothing to lose. If you want something, just try to get it. And if you fail, try some more.

So this morning my shift started at eight and the first time I had to clean up a table I almost dropped the tray and made a lot of noise. I was so embarrassed because I was already messing up and I wasn’t even working for 10 minutes. I seriously need a job so I had to pull myself together. The rest of the day went perfectly. The girls I work with are fun and chill. The atmosphere is great, the guests are polite and the bar has a beautiful interior design.

Even though my feet and my arms were killing me after arriving home, I felt so fulfilled. Lately I had a feeling like I was just wasting my time on nothing and having a job, no matter how hard it can be to find a balance between a job and my university, really gives me that certain push I need to just keep going, keep working on myself. And also every job is a new experience.

I don’t want to just ramble on here, so I’ll share a picture with you.

This was me on Women’s day showing all kinds of legs at my favorite wine bar. Before seeing this picture I didn’t even realize how short this pants were (yes, I’m wearing pants). But still it was a fun night and I love the picture!

Hope you’re having a wonderful, productive weekend!

Checking in

Hello everyone, hope you’re having a wonderful Sunday! I have been lazy and didn’t do anything since Thursday because on Thursday I was finally done with my exams. I passed every single one of them!

My lectures start again on Monday so I took these three days to relax completely. I’ve been cooking, watching some movies, when to drinks with my friend Karla so here’s a picture of my outfit.

We also had a little misfortunate event on Thursday. We had planned to celebrate the ending of the exams by going to the theatre and have drinks afterwards. I got all dressed up and ready to go but when we got to the theatre the tickets were sold! There aren’t many plays I’m interested in here in Zadar but I really wanted to see this one and I was so disappointed. We ended up having drinks and it was great but still I regret not seeing the play.

I just wanted to check-in a little bit and wish you all a happy Sunday. May you laugh, have fun and eat good food today! Love you!

 

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Stressful Valentine

This was definitely one of the most stressful Valentine day ever. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything but it’s not because of it. Throughout my 21 years of existence I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being bitter and judgmental during Valentines and, to be honest, was often drunk with my friends on Valentines but yesterday I just wanted to punch someone.

I’ve told you before I have a few more exams to do and two of them were yesterday on Valentines. One was an oral exam at 11 and the other one was Spanish translation at 6 pm. When I got to my morning exams the professor’s assistan arrived saying that the exam was canceled due to a meeting of the professors. I slept for 5 hours because you know me, I study last minute, woke up, came to the university just to find out that there will be no exam. Didn’t anyone introduce those people to the magic of e-mail and the online page of the university where they could have stated that the exam will not be held. My Goooooooooooooooooooooooood!

I tried to stay positive, grabbed a cup of coffee with the other people who came to the exam and then headed home where I wanted to work on my Spanish for a bit but I couldn’t because I couldn’t keep my damn eyes open. I was so stressed out and tired that I just wanted to sleep. But it doesn’t matter, I got dressed up and stressed up, went to my exam and finished that awful day with a glass of wine with my friend Karla. Because there’s nothing that a glass of wine can’t fix.  Wine is everything. Wine is bae. Wine was my Valentine. #alcoholic.

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Sunday – bookday

I know I haven’t really been in touch with you lately but I really had a lot on my plate, from exams to some personal issues. Currently I’m enjoying my tea and watching cartoons like a real adult before diving into my books. Just three more exams and the war is over.

But a next war begins right after and it’s called a new semester and finding a new job. I stopped working as a waitress so now I have to find something else to do. I really liked working as a waitress and all but honestly some bosses are just stressful so I think I’ll try and find some other type of job, perhaps in a store. I used to work at Zara and I loved working in their storage because I didn’t have to deal with sometimes annoying customers. I do like people but sometimes people can be very rude while shopping, like it’s my fault they don’t fit into those jeans.

Anyways, I’m rambling to much! Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday. I think I’ll watch an episode of How to Get Away with Murder and then it’s down to the books. Love you!

 

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Rainy Saturday

I set my alarm to 7 this morning because I have a bunch of studying to do this weekend and I really need an early morning to do my meditation, workout, cook, clean my apartment and everything else but when the alarm went off I just heard rain falling and couldn’t force myself to get out of bed. My will power was straight to zero. No. I just wasn’t getting up so  I slept for one more hour and then the guilt made me get my lazy ass up.

I made my yummy breakfast with some music in the background. Currently, still obsessing over Machika by J Balvin. It’s just stuck in my head since it came out. Also, loving the El Farsante remix by Ozuna and Romeo Santos. As you can see, I’m into this type of music.

My breakfast is pretty simple. Just some crunchy raspberry muesli with dark chocolate, an orange because I can’t eat my breakfast without some fruit and my hot lemonade. It’s just a half of squeezed lemon, some honey and hot water. I really enjoy drinking it to cleanse my organism and it’s also yummy, like a lemon tea.

Anyway that’s it from me this morning. I have to make my big cup of coffee and get down to work even though I just want to be in my bed and watch movies.

Enjoy you weekend!

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