A rainbow picture

Your soul is a canvas covered in
every color there is. There’s so much
light in you and then there is that
black brush stroke making an X across
your rainbow picture.
That darkness is me. Excuse me for being here.
Didn’t know that I would spread across
your painting so fast. Didn’t know I would
leave a trail. Who knew that wrapping your
arms around me was the same as wrapping
your hands around Titanic hoping for an adventure
but ending up dead.

I am toxic. Once I’ve infected your body there’s
no going back. I’ll write a note across my chest
saying “High Risk”. Maybe I’ll even throw in an
instruction manual for the next one who comes along.
Maybe if the first one who placed his lips on mine
had that manual I wouldn’t be this mess, this dark hole, this
poor excuse for a human that I am.

I know it’s hard to believe it but there was a time when
I was also a rainbow picture, a canvas covered in every
color there is.

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Loneliness

Loneliness came knocking at my door and
made a home for herself on my couch.
And my bed.
And my sink.
And my kitchen counter.
And everywhere I go.
She is just here.

I sometimes feel like I could touch her,
as if loneliness was a person.
I can feel her wrapping her cold arms
around my neck every time I lay down
in my empty bed. She loves to greet me
every morning when I’m still half asleep,
reaching my hand to the right side of the
bed looking for someone who is supposed to be here.

She sneaks into my pocket and makes me
carry her around so I can feel here even in a crowd.
My friend loneliness never sleeps. Her only purpose is to make me sink.

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Checking in

Hello everyone, hope you’re having a wonderful Sunday! I have been lazy and didn’t do anything since Thursday because on Thursday I was finally done with my exams. I passed every single one of them!

My lectures start again on Monday so I took these three days to relax completely. I’ve been cooking, watching some movies, when to drinks with my friend Karla so here’s a picture of my outfit.

We also had a little misfortunate event on Thursday. We had planned to celebrate the ending of the exams by going to the theatre and have drinks afterwards. I got all dressed up and ready to go but when we got to the theatre the tickets were sold! There aren’t many plays I’m interested in here in Zadar but I really wanted to see this one and I was so disappointed. We ended up having drinks and it was great but still I regret not seeing the play.

I just wanted to check-in a little bit and wish you all a happy Sunday. May you laugh, have fun and eat good food today! Love you!

 

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It wasn’t me

What we had was so carefree like a Sunday
morning, so natural as the summer breeze,
so sudden as the smell of sea salt in the air
The only problem was that I wasn’t me.

You took away my breath and worries in
a single heartbeat and I let go of everything
because it was easy, for once something was easy.

We were opposites that weren’t supposed to attract.
Too much dark of a different kind can’t create light.
When I was with you people could finally see
what I didn’t want and who I never could be.

It doesn’t hurt anymore that you didn’t really love me
because the person I was with you wasn’t me, wasn’t even real.

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Stressful Valentine

This was definitely one of the most stressful Valentine day ever. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything but it’s not because of it. Throughout my 21 years of existence I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being bitter and judgmental during Valentines and, to be honest, was often drunk with my friends on Valentines but yesterday I just wanted to punch someone.

I’ve told you before I have a few more exams to do and two of them were yesterday on Valentines. One was an oral exam at 11 and the other one was Spanish translation at 6 pm. When I got to my morning exams the professor’s assistan arrived saying that the exam was canceled due to a meeting of the professors. I slept for 5 hours because you know me, I study last minute, woke up, came to the university just to find out that there will be no exam. Didn’t anyone introduce those people to the magic of e-mail and the online page of the university where they could have stated that the exam will not be held. My Goooooooooooooooooooooooood!

I tried to stay positive, grabbed a cup of coffee with the other people who came to the exam and then headed home where I wanted to work on my Spanish for a bit but I couldn’t because I couldn’t keep my damn eyes open. I was so stressed out and tired that I just wanted to sleep. But it doesn’t matter, I got dressed up and stressed up, went to my exam and finished that awful day with a glass of wine with my friend Karla. Because there’s nothing that a glass of wine can’t fix.  Wine is everything. Wine is bae. Wine was my Valentine. #alcoholic.

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Sunday – bookday

I know I haven’t really been in touch with you lately but I really had a lot on my plate, from exams to some personal issues. Currently I’m enjoying my tea and watching cartoons like a real adult before diving into my books. Just three more exams and the war is over.

But a next war begins right after and it’s called a new semester and finding a new job. I stopped working as a waitress so now I have to find something else to do. I really liked working as a waitress and all but honestly some bosses are just stressful so I think I’ll try and find some other type of job, perhaps in a store. I used to work at Zara and I loved working in their storage because I didn’t have to deal with sometimes annoying customers. I do like people but sometimes people can be very rude while shopping, like it’s my fault they don’t fit into those jeans.

Anyways, I’m rambling to much! Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday. I think I’ll watch an episode of How to Get Away with Murder and then it’s down to the books. Love you!

 

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Forever and never

Today I’m locking our memory in a box
in my mind and I’ll give one key to you
if you would like to have it. I can’t get rid
of these feelings but I can contain them.
We will be together forever and never, together and apart.

Somewhere in the mind we will create a place that
will be completely ours and there we will live out a
life ‘till we’re old but we will never again hold hands,
kiss during a movie, spend sleepless nights together.

Even if I had a chance I would never come back to your
arms again because I can’t go through this again.
I prefer our Neverland.
I prefer you stay my forever and never, together and apart.

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