I want the best for you. I want the days to
be sunny when you need them to and I want it
to rain hard when you want to hide under the
blankets even though I’m not there to keep you
warm. Even though there are other hands feeling
you heartbeats before you go to sleep.
I want the best for you and this isn’t an “I’m a better
person” manifest nor is it a proof I’m over you. This
is just me speaking my mind in order to cleanse my soul
but honey, there are a few things you need to know.
I didn’t give up trying to fix us because you left me. I gave
up because I forgot how to be myself while loving you.
I didn’t hold on for so long because I wanted you back. I held
on because you weren’t a Band-Aid I could just rip off.
I gave you so much of me and took so much of you that
you became a part of me and honey, it was hard to feel whole again.
Honey, you can drag through your bed as many women as
you want but they won’t make you love yourself. They will just
be a temporary cure for your eternal illness.
Honey, you shouldn’t feel special if next to me you had five of
them on hold. You should ask yourself what’s wrong with you
if you need a line of women to make you feel like a man.
Honey, that warmth in your bed won’t warm the stone you
carry in your chest. Honey, convincing yourself you love her
won’t make it true and won’t make you capable of feeling.
Honey, if you don’t accept the truth you will waste your life
on temporary, loveless illusions.
Honey, seek help while you’re young but please, oh please
don’t come looking for it in my arms again. Even though, I
wish you the best honey, you are drowning and I can’t be
your life vest. It’s time for me to give myself the love I’ve
been giving you for too long. Honey, take care.