You can’t be owned

You are a woman. Put a smile on your face, be sweet and kind, show emotions and be a stereotype we need you to be or we will call you insane, we will call you coldhearted and we will make you believe that there is something wrong with you just because you refuse to fall in the line.

We created these standards for you as a woman to live by and we’ve sent him to make you believe you are something to be owned. He will try to brainwash you and rip out every limb of your free will. He will make you believe that the torture you are going through is a life you deserve, he will make you believe that you were born to walk behind him, he will make you believe that it’s necessary for you to live under his fist and he will hide his intentions with a few nice gestures made to make you feel like a queen without knowing that your kingdom is your very special circle of hell. And if you complain and if you try to get out you will be the woman who cried abuse, the woman who cried rape, the woman who just cried and they will make you remember that this is a man’s world.

He will make a shell out of you. He will make you believe the only thing you have to offer is your body and that the only worth you have is between your legs. He will beg you to get down on your knees for him just so that you would be beneath him and look at him as the king on a throne he believes himself to be. If you don’t bow down to his authority he will place your head up against a wall and press on your neck until you feel the air disappearing from your lungs and he will do it just so you would feel the pain he allegedly felt when he realized that he can’t own you. He will make you believe that the pain he’s putting you through is only there to punish you for not loving him, not satisfying his needs, not being the stereotype he wanted you to be. He will break your bones and your will just because he needs a puppet on a string which will dance around him so he wouldn’t feel alone.

When you show no weakness, when you put on a poker face, when you decide to protect your body and soul from hitting the ground and when you walk away he will make you believe that you have a stone instead of a heart just because you were unable to give him what he needs. He will tell you that you have no conscience and he will try to force a feeling of guilt on you just so he could make your mind weaker, put you in shackles and drag you wherever he wants as if you were a display piece.

No matter what he tells you or how much he hurts you just remember this: “Your mind belongs to you and so does your body. There is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with him because he is in a fight which only exists in his head and he doesn’t understand he can’t get a revenge based on you not bowing down to his needs. He can pretend to be a king and he can pretend to be strong but he will never be as  strong as a woman that claimed ownership of her life when she was standing in front of a firing squad.”

Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made. Forgive him. Forgive all of them because you don’t need the poison of resentment and hatred in your soul. Let him fire all the shots at you because his ammo will disappear one day and he will be left with that voice in his head screaming: “There was no war to be fought! She is a human being, she is not a toy! The place in which her soul lies is a body, not a boxing bag! You were never her master, you were an oppressor!”

Who is he in reality? Your father, your husband or someone else?

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Pushing the Ex button will trap you

No matter how many boyfriends, friends with benefits, one night stands and crushes we have there will be that one person that will stay engraved in our memory, whether it’s our first boyfriend/girlfriend, first person we kissed, loved or slept with. They will just be there forever.

For some they will just be a beautiful memory but for the majority of us it becomes a weak spot. It becomes the person we run back to no matter the circumstances. This running back to can be compared to driving your car straight into a wall even though you know you’re going to crash and burn. Oh yes you know what I’m talking about, that one ex who can tell us that they will pretend they don’t know us the next morning but we will still be like:”Honey, I’m here and I have no self-control when you are around”.

I’ve met that person a few years back and from my own experience I can say that this situation is the single, most stressful thing when it comes to relationships. I just feel like kicking him out of my head and putting up a sign “You are not welcome anymore” but there is a mechanism stopping me from doing it. And I, being honest with myself, know what that mechanism is all about and believe me that it’s the same thing with you.

The feeling when you’re with that person is overwhelming and it feels right and the pain is familiar. The pain of losing that one person over and over again isn’t hard because you are used to it. You’ve established coping mechanisms to deal with it. You know that the pain comes in waves and that it comes only when you feel completely alone, hear a certain song, on a certain date or on a certain place. You only think it’s coming in waves but it’s actually not. It’s constantly there and you just learned to live with it.

We hold on to those exes because it’s easier to live in a disaster you know how to survive than to let your heart wander and find someone else who could hurt you in a way that will be new, in a way you don’t have a mechanism for. When you think about it, it’s actually sick. We are depriving ourselves of happiness and love by holding on to the old just because we don’t want to face everything that comes with it.

I’m not the one who can tell you to snap out of it because I haven’t done that yet but I’m trying and it’s hard to just loosen my grip after years and years of being comfortable in the pain and a few heated encounters. It’s hard to find the thin line between passion, love and hallucination. It’s hard to give up on the person that makes you melt and makes your emotions heightened, makes you feel every second you have with them and makes you believe that there’s something more than a habit between you.

It’s hard but it’s not impossible. That person will never get out of our head but you will learn to control yourself. You will learn to let your heart go and you will learn to accept happiness without turning on your defense mechanisms. Stop running in circles and step out of your comfort zone. You will drive into many walls and crash and burn before you find the person that will let their walls down in order to keep you safe but you need to stop running into the same wall over and over again.

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Who is your person?

When the lights die, when you wash off the remains of the day off of your body and when the masks we wear come down who is the person you wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen by? Who is the person in front of which you don’t need a mask because they know who you are and accept you for it? Who is the person you call in the middle of the night just to hear them and calm yourself down? What name or names came into your head?

I wrote a lot of questions just to make that name or those names come into your head. I’ve spent two weeks in my hometown with my family and with my girls and it made me think about the person I was, the people I gained and lost, people who taught me life lessons and the people who I allowed to stab me in the back despite my own better judgment.

My first name is my mother because that woman has an answer to every question and she was my biggest support over the years and after her I have them.

friends

My best friends. The family I picked for myself. I’ve made many mistakes when it comes to choosing friends because I’ve let people take advantage of me, push me around, make a fool out of me and humiliate me. I still fall into traps with people and I still get stabbed in the back by the people I let into my life with open arms but that’s all life. Everything is a lesson as long as we allow it to be.

You need to know who your people are. You need to create a circle of people who support you, understand you and love you and you need to do the same for them. Surrounding yourself with people who are good for you isn’t selfish, it’s NECESSARY. If you stay stuck with people who are bad for you just because you are afraid to be alone or change something then that’s on you and everything that happens is your responsibility.

You will get knocked down by people but as long as you know how to learn from it you will be able to stand back up. It isn’t about having many friends, being known by everyone and having all the attention – it’s about the people who you call in the middle of the night crying, the people you call when something great happens, the people who make your day just by being in it, the people who aggressively believe in you, the people who won’t be afraid to stand up to you when they see you’re doing a mistake and so on…

You need to love yourself enough to surround yourself with such people and you need to know that you are worth having people like that. No matter what you did in life and how many times you made mistakes you don’t deserve to be humiliated, pushed around, used and miserable.

Even if you are alone now, you don’t need to be afraid. Strength is built in loneliness and it’s better to be alone than in bad company. Everything you need will come to you as long as you love yourself enough to accept it.

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Monthly Instagram Recap – December

instagram-snaps

I know many bloggers do posts like this so I decided to do one myself. It’s a small recap of my December on Instagram. It’s mostly about Christmas because…I mean I don’t have to explain. Christmas is my time of year and I love the whole atmosphere. I hope you will like this post and follow me on instagram @luna.theblog if you want to see my daily posts.

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Shopping on Monday

ankle-boots car-ride mcdonalds outfit

The best way to start a week is to go shopping on Monday. I went to Arena Center in Zagreb with my friend and I made a bit of a fail. I left my money at home in my other purse so we had to turn around and go to my house to get the money. That was kind of embarrassing but thank God my friend Isabella has enough patience to put up with me. Don’t forget to check out her blog! I bought some new shoes and we went to McDonalds and had a cup of coffee. The car rides were awesome as usual because we just get crazy when we drive around.

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Happy New Year

My dearest readers and followers have a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I wish you all the best in the upcoming year and I hope you had a great last night with your loved ones!

I honestly wish that this year, and every year to come, you achieve your goals and find happiness in life. Don’t forget that resolutions aren’t one day decisions. Don’t strive to change everything in one day and focus on the progress. Make every day a New Year day and make yourself better every day.

Become better and smarter, try new things, help the world in any way you can and don’t forget to smile a lot.

Lots of love, XOXO
Luna

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