Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! This is definitely my favorite holiday but today I’m not having such a great time. I came home on Thursday and let me tell you that the ride home was a mess. Our car broke down and me and my brother-in-law had to wait for the towing service for an hour and a half. When we finally got home, we had some dinner and the next day I spent the evening with my friends which I haven’t seen for four months.

Saturday was a family day for me. I went to see my grandma and in the evening I had dinner and opened a bottle of wine with my family. Then the Christmas morning came and I wanted to kill myself.

I have such a terrible cold. I can’t breathe and what’s worse of all I can’t eat. All of this food and I’m sick to my stomach. I’m trying to keep a positive attitude but it’s not working that well so my plan is to stay  warm under the blanket and watch movies.

Here are some pics from my past few days home and some pics from my nephew’s Christmas photo shooting. As you can see Christmas in my house revolves around my baby nephew because it’s his first Christmas and he is just so adorable!

home-for-christmas

david merry-christmas christmas-photoshoting baby

baby-boy christmas-table cake-and-wine dinner presents christmas-morning christmas-presents

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Advent in Zadar

Yesterday I went to the Advent in Zadar with my friends. The night started great with me waiting for the bus and my friend Leonora calling me to tell me she’s late. That’s kind of her thing. She rarely comes in time for anything. I went back to my apartment because it’s very close to the bus station and I waited for another bus. When we finally got to the Advent we found our friends. We drank mulled wine and enjoyed the Christmas atmosphere. It wasn’t cold for me but it was for my friend so we ended up in a bar drinking wine and talking. It was such a sweet night.

christmas croatia friends ootd zadar-advent zadar advent
breakfast

I woke up late today and I was craving a big, tasteful breakfast so I made one. My regular cup of coffee, water, sandwiches and orange. Now that I’m full it’s time to get down to business but it’s really hard because the only thing I can think about is going home this week and Christmas. I just can’t wait.

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Power of love or love of power?

Any person with a slight view of their future has some sort of goals and dreams they are trying to achieve. I’m the kind of person that is so determined to make my dreams come true that sometimes I view everyday things as pure obstacles on my way. What happens when love, one of the strongest feelings, becomes an obstacle for us and we corrupt it in order to move forward?

During the course of my life I’ve never been in any kind of serious relationship and I kept telling myself it was because I can’t find the right guy or the right time or some other excuse people make up in order not to face their own feelings. Lately I’ve been getting tired of excuses and talking about the problems. I decided to face it.

I love power too much and I love having the power over my life and my future which means opening up to someone and showing them how weak I can be is an invasion of my power. Many of us are like that, but only some of us will confess it. Power is something people fight for everyday – at work, in schools, in society groups and in relationships, but did we take it too far? We took our hearts out of the picture and we gave our brains another function –they are beating for us.

Feelings, love, honesty, trust and loyalty are such a twisted phenomenon for us that we can’t even recognize them when we see them. People started perceiving relationships and opening up to people as a power trade in which they lose if the other side is being ‘’smart’’ enough to keep their power all to themselves and trade lies instead. We are ready to live in a relationship with our power but we aren’t ready to open up and create something worth living for.

Now I speak to all people like me. You have the power but the longer you keep it without risking it, the more it becomes comfort and you lose it. Selfishly holding on to your power and locking the doors of your world is showing fear and not power. The true power is being able to let someone in and stitch your wounds when they are gone. The true power is being strong enough to be weak in front of someone. The true power is standing strong after having your heart shattered. Love is true power, it’s not a weak point.

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Tinker Bells around the world

She wants it and she needs it. She craves for it. It’s the only thing on her mind. She just wants to feel it deep inside of her. She needs you to give it to her. Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about attention. She and all of the others like her only need attention, you know what I mean?

For the sake of keeping this post slightly more decent I will quote a picture I saw on instagram: “I identify with Tinker Bell because she needs attention or she dies and that’s pretty much me”.

I could slap this quote on so many girls’ foreheads just so that the people around them would know what they expect from them, and by people I mean men and lots of them. As I said for the sake of keeping this post slightly more decent I will address this group of attention seekers as Tinker Bells.

Well aren’t those Tinker Bells adorable? You know at least one of them. Her characteristics are that she laughs loudly to be noticed, will flirt with anyone just so that she would come off as desirable, she will pay more attention to her looks and the shortness of her skirt than on making a progress in life, she is the kind of girl who will get in bed with anyone just to get attention and recognition of her looks and, my honestly favorite characteristic – she has no shame, moral and will cross any line just to be surrounded by men. She pretty much needs to have a man strapped around every one of her fingers to validate her life. Pathetic, if you ask me.

Many women who comment on such behavior are being called bitter and jealous. We are not. We are ashamed of the previously mentioned behavior because it makes us all look desperate, in search of attention and just plain pathetic. It’s similar to women getting to high positions in their jobs because they sleep with someone. Some women do it so we all get accused of doing it. As a person that has done many stupid things in her life I can say that I partially understand such behavior but what I don’t understand is when will the Tinker Bells grow up and stop embarrassing all of us?

Snap the hell out of it because the longer you keep with this behavior the more your self-value diminishes. Have some class. When I say class I don’t refer to clothes, shoes, bags etc. I refer to something that can only be grown inside of you. Having class means knowing your worth, being aware of your flaws, having self-respect, not letting everyone have their way with you and fighting to become a better person every day. Those are things you can’t wear or buy. You need to develop them through hard work.

Tinker Bells, stop embarrassing yourself by needing attention to validate your life. Just stop. If you keep on thinking you need anyone to be someone, you will end up being no one.

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Where do the feelings go?

Once the clocks on our hearts strike end and once a relationship has no meaning or function in our life where does it all go? Where do the feelings go?

I remember a certain “Sex and the City” episode in which Carry asks the same question and then says that it goes to their new girlfriends. I’ve often disagreed with Carrie’s outfits and I sometimes agreed with her theories but this one is an exception. I disagree.

The after part of a relationship has two possible outcomes.

The first one is the classic breakup we are all familiar with. You break up, start avoiding each other, start talking behind each other backs, go through mourning phases, text  each other, start again, fail, have rebound phases and so on. Here the feelings still exist but you don’t know how to get rid of them so you are trying every single thing except for dealing with them in a healthy way because let’s be honest the healthy way is the extinct and boring way. Mostly you just try to prove that you are great and that the breakup meant nothing to you.

The second outcome is the fabulous let’s stay friends outcome. It’s not fabulous. It’s an overture for a disaster. Where there are feelings there will be weakness and there will be benefits. All of that leads to a drama more tangled than Rapunzel’s hair which will only end up in a fight. The whole concept of staying friends with benefits with you ex is completely stupid. It’s like being allergic to peanuts and eating a Snickers every day – it makes no sense. I should know because I was stupid enough to do it twice.

One of you broke off the relationship which means that the other one will feel the need to compensate for being abandoned. That person is often prone to pretending they have no feelings, trying to hurt you on purpose, acting like they own the world when they are actually miserable. One of you two will also be honest and just go with the flow. That person will develop some kind of feelings which will end up in sadness or rage.

Rage is my thing. I think it’s positive as long as people know how to point it in the right direction and what is most important – rage will make you make your breakup final. No strings attached, no emotions, no anything. Pure rage pointed to getting your life back on track. You will notice his/her flaws, you will realize what didn’t work and you will sure as hell be sure that the breakup was the right choice and, sometimes, you will realize the whole thing was just a strike. You will be fine with it when you realize you can’t change the past.

My advice to you is that you need to end things when they aren’t working out anymore. The more you keep on trying to build something out of nothing, the bigger the disaster in the end will be. When you click the X on your laptop you want to close something so do it in real life too.

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